I have just received your letter written on the 8th, at which time I was in the park.

I have had repeated evidence that you believe me to have acted in total disregard of your advice and under other influences than the purpose to provide in the best manner in my power for the execution of the will of the Board on the park in my appointments. I have answered in a detailed manner before to charges of the same nature as those conveyed in the note to which I now reply. You very plainly give me to understand that I have lost your confidence and that you can no longer take my word for the motives of my action. Am I not thus precluded from attempting to vindicate myself by any mere assertion or denial?

I am pledged to your Commission, and that pledge being printed & published by your order, I am pledged before the world, to conduct the affairs committed to my charge, as the servant of the whole Board, and of no individual[229] or party in the Board. The Board commits the whole work to my judgment wherever I am without its specific instructions. That I may be held to a more completely responsible keeping of the park, it places an important power in my hands—a power by which a bad man might easily make much for himself—and I have thus far been held to no account of how this power is used except as evidenced in its results on the park. If I make appointments on the police for instance—merely because you or any other member, or all members of the Board, merely advise or request it, and the police is found unfaithful, ruffianly or unintelligent in their duty, should I be justified by you or by the Board, on the ground that the man or men at fault had been appointed under such advice, or for such a reason?

I can only repeat, in answer to your demand, that I have done my duty according to my judgment. I deny all just foundation for the opinion you have recently been led to form of me. I do not believe that it is your nature to wish any man to suffer under what may be an error of judgment where the means of establishing the truth can be easily arrived at, and request as an act of justice to the Board, to the persons rejected as you believe without reason, to your own rights as a member of the Board, and to me—as a man who alleges himself to be wrongly accused of ingratitude to one who has been his friend and of dereliction from a public duty—to make these charges in a specific manner before the Board and let a Committee be appointed before whom I can appear to answer & who can thoroughly investigate the matter from the beginning to this time. This can do no harm to anyone but myself, and may possible lead you to conclude that you have not been perfectly just in your judgment of my character. I am sure that this result would be as gratifying to yourself as to your happy and obedient [servant.]

I have been besieged by fevers for a week and this is the first I have done but lie on the bed or sofa, take blue-pill, effervescents, quinine, bitters & grapes—& listen to Mary’s reading. After giving me a 2d blue-pill last night & prescribing a course of tonics, the doctor took leave this morning.

I feel just thoroughly worn-out, used up, fatigued beyond recovery, an older man than you, and am determined to let the park take care of itself for a while at whatever cost. I have been growing weaker & more deeply fatigued since I began with it. I could hardly hold my head up for a week before I went to Saratoga; made a little jump up for a day or two & then came down by the run, untill I could not think connectedly without considerable effort. I have fixed what I most cared for on the park beyond reconsideration & shall not be so zealous probably in future.

We are going, you know, to move into the Convent—taking some low & rather dark but warm rooms, rather conveniently connected. The great comfort is that there is a great extent of glass galleries or piazzas, where the children can be in fresh air without wind or rain. I hope too it will be a little more convenient of access—for grocers, etc. Our supplies are frightfully expensive & difficult to get. We have to live well—on good food & drink—for there is not one of us in moderate health & never less than three that need careful nursing & bolstering. We found Charley’s eyes as bad as ever when we returned from Saratoga. Charlotte is covered with sores & Mary is half distracted with her multitude of anxieties, the servants always acting like she devils as soon as there is a five minute lull of other squalls. However, we have a good deal of happiness between the drops; that’s a fact.

Here came in three of Commissioners to inform me that a meeting had been had today and that they had resolved to give me six weeks leave of absence, with a request that I would employ the time in examining European parks, advancing $500 for the expenses. I expect to sail by the “Persia” next Wednesday. Will you be here before that? I reckon to have one week in Paris, & one in England & shall hope to get three or four days besides to visit Munich.